sometimes i wish confidence

RENT [RogerApril] 061108

Thu, 12 Jun 2008 02:42:55 GMT

Title: Wasted Opportunity
Author: ivehadmymoments
Word Count: 105.
Claim: Roger Davis/April
Fandom: RENT
Characters: Roger, April.
Prompt: fanfic100 #46: star.
Rating: g.
Pairings: RogerApril.
Warnings: n/a
Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight. I wish I may, I wish I might, have the wish I wish tonight… I wish my life will change. I’m tired of being the rich girl with a boyfriend in the East Village and that’s it. I want adventure. I want new experiences. As April finished her wish, she kissed her sleeping boyfriend on the temple. The roof was by far their favorite place to hang out, even if it was freezing. She loved seeing the bright lights of the city dance underneath a disappearing sky. She clasped her hand in Roger’s and fell asleep.

Title: Wasted Opportunity: Chapter 3
Author: ivehadmymoments
Word Count: </b>269.
Claim: Roger Davis/April
Fandom: RENT
Characters: Roger, April.
Prompt: fanfic100 #67: Snow
Rating: t.
Pairings: RogerApril.
Warnings: language.
As April awoke, she realized that as she slept, the first snowfall of winter had fallen, laying a slight blanket of white over her blanket and Roger’s short hair. She nudged her boyfriend in the rubs. He had snuggled up next to her as he was asleep and looked like nothing less than completely at peace. “Roger, come on babe. Get up.”
He rolled over and snaked his arm around her waist. She shook him, waking him up. “What the hell? He asked, running his hand through his hair as a few chunks of small snow fell. “Where the hell am I, Ape?”
“Stop calling me that. We fell asleep on the roof, now get it.” She took his hand and pulled him to his feet. They shook off the remaining snow from their bodies and kissed in the barely heated loft.
“Hey guys, fist snow of the year, check it out,” said Maureen from the couch. She was sipping on a mug of presumably coffee and flipping through a magazine.
“Yea, we fell asleep on the roof and experienced it first-hand.”
“Jesus Christ, aren’t you cold?!” Mark exclaimed, making his way into the bedroom.
“Aren’t you Jewish?”
“What?” Mark was confused as he pulled blankets out of the rooms and placed them over the cold couple in the doorway.
“Nothing.” Maureen nearly whispered, embarrassed.
“You know what would get us warmer, faster?” April asked at Roger, raising her eyebrows seducing. She look him by the hand.
“Fucking?” She laughed at how forward he was and dragged him into the bedroom for a very quickly heated session of love.

Title: Wasted Opportunity: Chapter 4
Author: ivehadmymoments
Word Count: 127.
Claim: Roger Davis/April
Fandom: RENT
Characters: Roger, April.
Prompt: fanfic100 #31: sunrise.
Rating: g.
Pairings: RogerApril.
Warnings: n/a
At 626am, Roger reentered the world from his long night slumber. He was awake first and got to witness the short time it took for the city to roar to life. Even in their Lower East side apartment, he saw dancers and strippers returning to their dwellings to shower the patina from dirty old suits looking for a cheap thrill away from their wives. The sun rose up a little movie and the amount of taxis increased. A drunk homeless man stumbled into a doorway and threw up on the doorstep. Lovely present. The sun reached it’s breaking point and illuminated Avenue B and Eleventh Street. The sun shone in April’s eyes, awaking her barely.
“Why’re you up, Roger?”
He smiled. “I just saw my first sunrise.”

Title: Wasted Opportunity: Chapter 5
Author: ivehadmymoments
Word Count: 156.
Claim: Roger Davis/April
Fandom: RENT
Characters: Roger, April, Mark, Maureen, Benny, Collins.
Prompt: fanfic100 #11: red.
Rating: pg.
Pairings: RogerApril.
Warnings: n/a
“Maureen!” April yelled from the bedroom. The boys were out drinking with Benny and Collins and had been gone all afternoon and night. “Come here!” Maureen walked into the bedroom on the other side of her wall.
“What?”
“I’m late.”
“What?”
“My period! I’m like, a week late! Oh my god am I pregnant?” she stared at Maureen wide-eyed. “I’m pregnant aren’t I?” April put her ands on her stomach. “It kicked! I’m pregnant. What am I going to do?!” She burst into tears.
“April,” Maureen said, grabbing her hand, “even if you are pregnant, nothing will be kicking this early. Calm down, honey. Okay. Wait a few more days. Then we need to go to the drug store and get a pregnancy test. Depending on that, we’ll call Planned Parenthood. Relax, April. It could just be a hormonal thing. Influx of… estrogen. Who knows.” She looked into April’s eyes. “Don’t worry until you have to.”

Title: Wasted Opportunity
Author: fanfic100 fanfic100 #15: blue.
Word Count: 350.
Claim: Roger Davis/April.
Fandom: RENT.
Characters: April, Maureen.
Prompt: fanfic100 #15: blue.
Rating: t.
Pairings: n/a.
Warnings: language.
April walked through the drug store’s aisles, postponing the inevitable. She saw the sign that hung from the ceiling that read “Pregnancy Tests, Pre-Natal Vitamins, Birth Control.” Ironic they were all grouped together.
She grabbed the first test she found and made her way out of the sorer. She wouldn’t be caught dead buying a test. There was nothing to worry about, she consoled herself, these kind of things only happen to teenagers and housewives starting a family. Not rich girls rebelling against her Upper East Side apartment. As April bounded out of the corner store towards the loft, she attempted to shake the feeling of fear from her body. Somewhere deep inside of her, she knew she was pregnant, but put that feeling off until she knew for sure. Don’t worry until you have to.
Maureen was the only one in the loft and April dragged her into the cramped bathroom. After peeing on the stick, she waited.

One minute: the pacing began. Maureen sat silently on the toilet twiddling her thumbs.
Two minutes: April continued to pace and her breathing became staggered. Maureen calmed her down slowly.
Three minutes: She looked at the box. Blue is pregnant. Pink is not. Blue is bad. Pink is perfect. Blue is pregnant. Pink is not.
Four minutes: April began counting down. Forty two seconds. Oh my God. Twenty right seconds. Less than a minutes out. Seventeen seconds. Almost there. Five, four, three two, one… DING!
The timer went off. April and Maureen looked at each other quickly and the former picked up the stick. This was it.
April slowly overturned the stick, closing her eyes as she did. When she opened them, she found a blue dot.
“Fuck!” she yelled, throwing it across the small room. “Sorry,” she added softly towards her stomach. “Motherfucker. I’m pregnant.”
Maureen picked up the test that laid on the round and checked it against the box. “False positive?” she asked, hopefully.
April ignored it, but rather turned towards her and looked in her eyes. They realized what they were sure of. “I am so fucked.”

</b></b></b>

Rent [RogerApril] 042108.

Sat, 19 Apr 2008 09:02:42 GMT

Title: Wasted Opportunity
Author: ivehadmymoments
Word Count: 381
Claim: Roger Davis/April
Fandom: RENT
Characters: Roger, April, Mark.
Prompt: fanfic100 #49 club
Rating: t.
Pairings: RogerApril.
Warnings: sexual references. hetsex.
Author's Notes: Please please please, as a writer I need feedback. Constructive criticism is love, loving the story is love, and like What the Buck says, "Rate it even if you hate it!" Please leave me reviews. I love writing, but I also love getting feedback :) And I do read other people's stories lots ;)

A heavy African-American bouncer stood at the door, becoming the night’s decider of who was hot and who was not. April’s tiny white bikini top paid off as she and Roger slid through the doors of the club, hand in hand and the abrupt new colors, scents, and sounds threw him off balance, but she just let out an excited yell and led her beau into the dance floor. Colored lights blared in a sequence controlled by the man upstairs, the room smelled of alcohol and sweat, and Roger and April were in the middle of it all.

The center of the dance floor was filled with couples of ever shape, size, and sexuality and Roger kept accidentally flirting with a young boy named Paul who wanted to take him home. Roger ended up leaving with April, but not before Paul had the chance to slip his number into Roger’s back pocket, winking at him as he did. April laughed loudly and took him by the arm outside as her arm went up to hail a cab.

Sooner than they expected, the couple was seated in the back seat fooling around, Roger planting hickeys on his girlfriend’s neck. She didn’t know the cab driver, so she began fumbling with Roger through his pants. Every time he’d push her away, she go back at it, and by the time they were back in the quiet loft, they were laughing loudly (though they thought it was quiet) and Mark didn’t make a peep from the room over.

They made it to their room without anyone falling over and few items of clothing still on them. He laid her on his bed, kissing her neck as she removed her pants and Roger’s. As he slipped into her moist folds, they hissed at the feel of skin on skin and his rhythmic movements were heightened by the deep, quiet moans escaping from his mouth. When he exploded his seed into her, she shortly after screamed in ecstasy; being known for her loud orgasms. Exhausted, they fell asleep in each other’s arms, both completely oblivious to the sperm joining her egg inside of her body, the cell splitting and re-splitting to begin a new life.

Title: Wasted Opportunity
Author: ivehadmymoments
Word Count: 400
Claim: Roger Davis/April
Fandom: RENT
Characters: Roger, April, Mark, Maureen
Prompt: fanfic100 #01 beginnings
Rating: t.
Pairings: RogerApril. MarkMaureen.
Warnings: n/a
Author's Notes: Please please please, as a writer I need feedback. Constructive criticism is love, loving the story is love, and like What the Buck says, "Rate it even if you hate it!" Please leave me reviews. I love writing, but I also love getting feedback :) And I do read other people's stories lots ;)

Six Months Previous...

As Roger and his band set up for yet another small gig at the local bar, he couldn't stop thinking about the gorgeous redhead that had been sitting at the second table from the back all night. Was she waiting for someone, her boyfriend, possibly? Roger didn't know why he cared so much. Maybe it was the frail, yet charming smile that broke out across her face that made him fumbled over the cord or pick he held in his hand. That smile. Roger chuckled to himself and reminded himself that she was probably just a friend of a friend who was dragged along to a show and would probably end up hanging out with him all night, yet this time he half wanted it to be so. He was tired of the crazies who thought he was the biggest things since The Beatles came to the US and wanted to have civil conversation with a nice, civil, (beautiful) girl for once. He mentally slapped himself for making such assumptions. She could be a crazy. Time would tell.

The show went on and his eyes never left hers. She was there with a friend-- Maureen. They had dated back before Maureen had dropped out of college and became straight. Maureen introduced me t her after the show, her name was April. The Latin word for “open.” This was the girl Maureen was trying to set him up with, and she was trying hard. Not. After the introduction, Maureen was coercing Mark into buying her more drinks and was seducing another unsuspecting lover into their bed tonight. Threesomes are much easier when both parties are bi-curious. Bisexual. Gay.

April slipped her “business card” into his back pocket and told him to give her a call if she's interested. Another show, another date, or even just a quick fuck. She was up for anything and he now was, too. She smiled brightly at 2am as they were being escorted out of the bar and he kissed her on the lips quickly, nervousness taking over his body for he'd never felt such fast connection with anyone ever before. Her hand went into the air to hail her a cab and he saw her into it. As the yellow taxi drove off into the New York night, he hadn't realized how much his life changed from that one little kiss.

RENT [RogerApril] 102407.

Thu, 25 Oct 2007 06:56:38 GMT

Title: The Silence in Black and White.
Author: ivehadmymoments
Word Count: 100.
Claim: April/Roger Davis
Fandom: RENT.
Characters: Roger Davis, April
Prompt: 2x5obsessions 10.1-- silence in black and white/fanfic100 018. Black
Rating: g.
Pairings: RogerApril.
Warnings: n/a.
Author's Notes: It's 1137pm and I needed to write. Therefore, I have a drabble. Thank you.

They loved going to the movies. Once Mark put on the that first mono-chrome film, they were hooked, and the dollar theater on 7th and C was their escape whenever they could scrounge up a few bucks. Their favorite was The Wizard of Oz and the silence and lack of color heightened the experience. The owner sometimes put it on when no one else was there, just because they were there so often. Everyone knew them as the junkies with the cameraman on Avenue B and they'd never let anyone know they loved silent black and white films.

CSI [Sara Sidle] 100507.

Sat, 06 Oct 2007 06:50:17 GMT

Title: This Ain't Therapy or Fun (It's Just Conversation)
Author: ivehadmymoments
Word Count: 1884.
Claim: Sara Sidle.
Fandom: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
Characters: Sara Sidle, Greg Sanders, Gil Grissom Catherine Willows, Nick Stokes.
set.prompt: csi50 3.48: complex
Rating: t. pg13.
Pairings: Sandle.
Warnings: Implied homosexuality.

     Sara Sidle was not used to being chased. When she was in high school, she was the one chasing after all of boys who never returned an ounce of her affection. Until Greg. Now a thirty five year old woman, she was being wanted by the young man working in DNA. His nonstop flirting with her was very flattering, so she finally accepted his dinner invitation. Their first date was standard-- dinner at a time they both had off and he had sex with her that night. She didn't mean to fall for him, but with each touch, she fell a little more. When he became a CSI,things got better. Stolen kisses whenever Grissom would look down at a case file and being able to be together constantly because everyone thought they were only best friends and not lovers. Then there was Grissom. He was still catching Sara's eye and smiling, but she would just kiss Greg instead. Payback is a bitch. She had to defend herself to Greg a lot, convincing him that the relationship wasn't about the man fifteen years her senior. She hated that everyone knew her "relationship" with Grissom, because he had his chance. Chances. She couldn't chase forever and when Greg entered her life, she finally, finally, stopped.

     Four years of flirting payed off for Greg. He loved her so much. At night, when she'd lie in his arms, he'd think about the future. If he'd propose. If she'd become emotionally detached someday and just quit on him. He hoped and prayed to God they'd be together forever, because he didn't know what he'd do without her. He woke to her scent and fell asleep to the beating of her heart every night. He just wished that they worked at a job where they didn't have to hide their relationship. He knew that two people of the same shift weren't allowed to date each other, but they didn't care because it felt good. It felt right. Sara brought up a theory where they could fix that dilemma. Get married and transfer. She told him about a lab in Washington DC that was dying to have her when she was dying to get away from Grissom. She could call and find out of they still wanted her plus one. He didn't know. He didn't want to marry her for a job. He wanted to marry her because they were completely committed to each other for the rest of their lives. An occupation shouldn't determine that. At first, he said no. He had history in Las Vegas. He'd grown up there and even though his family left upon his high school graduation, his family was from there. His no eventually turned into a yes when he proposed. It was their year and a half anniversary, which was very early for his morals, but it felt right. He was prepared to mature a little and settle down with her. They were married on their two year anniversary and his parents paid for the wedding because hers couldn't. They planned a small wedding during the day consisting of the night and swing shifts, his family, and her older brother Andrew walked her down the aisle. They recited their vows, cut the cake, and partied at their apartment.

     Not too long after, they put in their letters of resignation. When they cleaned out their lockers, Nick choked back tears at the pictures she took out. Nick and Sara had pictures at the Wynn every year. The first time was after a show and the second was when they went out gambling and drinking. He didn't want to let her to and he couldn't how Grissom felt. He hadn't taken the marriage very well because he was still very much in love with her and for once she didn't care. She spent seven years of her life trying to get his attention and for what? Humiliation? Loneliness? He's "glad" she found her love, but she's glad she can say she's in love and not with him.

     Their going away party was nice-- Catherine, Warrick, and Nick all were at Grissom's townhouse for the day and they all drank, mostly Nick. Nick wrote Greg a letter, but he wasn't allowed to read it until they took off got the east coast. Greg promised. Nick kissed Sara on the cheek and told her to write and that when the time comes, tell their kids all about Uncle Nick. They smiled, laughed, and promised.At 6pm, the couple left. Sara had to pry Nick off of her husband and he left for the car. Grissom glanced at Sara right before she left. He did a quick up and down of her with his eyes and smiled softly. Her ring glistened and he turned aside. He gave her a short hug and said Goodbye. He'll miss her. Come visit. They're always welcome. She dabbed her eyes and nodded as Greg honked the horn from the driveway, to which she turned and left. Their plane left McCarren at 1225am to land in Philadelphia at 743 with a connecting flight to the nation's capital eight hours later. They had a few hours to kill in the city, so they went to Liberty Hall and got Phili Cheese Steaks at a hotel Will Smith was staying at. Sara rode the elevator with Jada Pinkett while she was running around trying to find out which floor the pool was on. Greg joined her in the elevator after Jada Pinkett exited at the seventeenth floor and Sara laughed like a giddy little girl and told him who that was. She didn't care that she sounded stupid because Greg simply kissed her and told her how much he was in love with her. Washington DC was more beautiful than either of them imagined. They did the tourist thing for the first week. Trips to the Lincoln Memorial, the Reflection Pool, and The Vietnam Veteran's Memorial filled the day after landing. Greg copied the name is his father and left flowers at the name site. Seven days after they arrived, they began working at the new lab. The night shift didn't accept them very well because Sara and Greg were married and got the two empty jobs which they didn't have to apply for. It wasn't that they acted like a married couple, just that they were married and everyone new it.

     Three months later, they received their first letter. Sara received their first letter from Grissom. He started off with a few random details about his animals. One of his spiders died. He didn't know why. He went on to say he thinks about her a lot. Not a day goes by. Now that she's gone, he's... trying with Heather. She lives with him during the day and they both go to work at night. It's hard not being around her all the time. He misses her. Even though he's with Heather and she's married. They have to come back soon. They're missed by everyone. With Love. Grissom. Greg got a letter that month too. From Nick. He had just promised to write once a week to update him on cases even though he knew he shouldn't be, and inter office politics. Nick wrote that Grissom and Heather started dating. He was still a hermit, but a happy one. Sara and Greg were replaced by a twenty eight year old brunette girl who had a crush on him. Nick didn't want anything to do with her-- she was stalker-ish. And not professional. He thinks Ecklie is getting desperate. Also, an angry thirty five year old guy. He missed Greg a lot. Please write. Or call. Or visit. Hope all is well. Nick. Greg could've sworn he saw smudged ink due to moisture, but he would never sure.

     Around the same time, Sara took an EPT on a hunch. The stick turned blue and she was ecstatic. Fourteen weeks in and she was surprised neither of them had noticed. She just assumed the weight she was putting on was stress related. Her new job was rough, but it didn't matter now. She was with child. They played the name game a lot. He chose three boy names and two girl and she chose three girl and two boys. With her hormones, they narrowed it down to two of her choices-- Anabelle Louise and Matthew Bryce. Her gynecologist confirmed the sex and they named their daughter. I wasn't until she was going into labor when Greg realized their daughter's name had the initials of the Alternate Light Source they used at work. Sara yelled at him that it was an inappropriate time to be making jokes and he felt her wrath on his hand. Belle was two and half months at her first plane ride. Sara was flying out to Vegas on the twentieth of November and Greg was arriving on the twenty second. Sara was greeted at the airport by Catherine. It had only been a little over a year, but she looked older. Still great. Just older. Catherine fixed up her spare bedroom for the couple and told Sara that Lindsay was caught smoking pot in the girl's bathroom at school, so Catherine sent her to an all girl school in San Diego where she would be kept on a tight leash. Sara promised herself to never do that to Belle. They went by Catherine's house so Sara could drop her suitcase off. She was really anxious to get to the lab. To see them all. They got to the lab at 545am and morning shift would begin at six. Nick was the first one to spot her and he ran over so quickly, she barely registered it was him. He looked way more mature than he used to. She handed Anabelle to him and went in search of Grissom.

     She knew exactly where he would be. She roamed the halls she knew too well and dodged Hodges in the Trace room. She didn't want to deal with his smart ass antics right now. She just wanted to find Grissom.

     He was right where she knew he would be. Sitting in his chair in his office with those stupid glasses and his stupid newspaper with the crossword puzzle and his pen. She leaned in his doorway and he saw her and smiled clumsily. She said she was back for a few days. He said he heard. Grissom stood up and walked over to her, putting his hands on her face just as he had done to Lady Heather years ago. Tears welled in her eyes. I'm married, she pleaded. Don't do this. I can't. Too hard. He kissed her forehead and pulled her close. She knew that she shouldn't be doing this, but she felt safer than ever in his arms. She shoved him away, and mumbled Belle's name. He asked who that was and she said Anabelle Louise was her daughter. He said something that sounded like alternate light source and asked how old she was. Sara told him two and half months. She told him she was a beautiful brunette, twenty inches long and eight pounds with bright blue eyes. Grissom stared at her and realized Greg and Sara both had brown.

CSI [Sara Sidle] 090607.

Fri, 07 Sep 2007 04:50:53 GMT

Title: The Truth Beyond the Veil.
Author: ivehadmymoments
Word Count: 484
Claim: Sara Sidle.
Fandom: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
Characters: Sara Sidle, Andew Sidle, Laura Sidle, Chuck Sidle
set.prompt: csi50 2.14: save me.
Rating: r.
Paitings: n/a
Warnings: violence, language, broken homes, homosexuality
Author's Note: This is written as a diary entry from ten year old Sara's POV and since we know she was smart, there is some advanced language for a ten year old, but the sentences are short, as if they were being written quickly.
5/50

Dear Diary,

They're fighting again. Andrew is sitting across the room from me and he won't stop saying he's sorry. I don't understand why. They always fight and it's never our fault. They tell us so. The two voices are coinciding with each other and I can't really distinguish sentences. "-- can't throw him out-- our son!" "-- no ass fucking queer in my house." This fight is different, it's not normally about us, much less Andrew. He says he told them about his boyfriend. He's a nice guy, Sanford is. I asked Andrew why he couldn't tell mom and dad about him and he said, "You're only ten, Sara, you wouldn't understand." I wish someone would tell me something. I think he's coming in here...

I can barely write. I don't know what happened. He came in here and grabbed Andrew by the throat. His face was turning purple so I started pounding on his back but he just kicked me against the wall. Mom thinks I might have a fractured rib but I don't care. He kept on yelling, "You fucking fag, what the hell is wrong with you? I do not tolerate queers!" Andrew kicked him hard and he dropped him. He slammed the door shut behind him. Andrew's throat was red and he grabbed a bag out of the closet and he threw his clothes in there, his Walkman and his picture of us at the park. he was leaving. I followed him into the living room as I heard him yell, "Fuck you guys, I'm out of here." Mom was begging. No, please, stay, --won't happen again, --stressful... He hugged me and told me to get out the second I turned eighteen. It was a hell house and I was in the pit of the flames. He kissed my forehead, whispered, "I'll be back for you. Don't lose hope," and slammed the door behind him. Mom came out of the kitchen, a knife tightly grasped in her hand by her right thigh. "You stole my son." "You're fucking crazy, Laura." "You STOLE my SON." For the first time, he looked scared. "Laura... the boy will be back in a day or two. He will..." "No. That was his breaking point. You broke him. I'm never going to see him again." "Laura, I--" what he was, we'll never know. Mom sunk the knife straight into his chest. She rushed to me and covered my eyes, whispering, "Shh, it's okay honey, everything will be alright..." But I didn't see how. My brother and best friend was gone, my father-- dead, and my mother responsible for it. Mom says CPS is going to be here soon. I'm supposed to be getting my stuff together. I found my picture of Andrew and myself and started crying. He said he'd be back... he'll be back... he will... Uh oh, I think they're here... goodbye...

CSI [Sara Sidle] 090607.

Fri, 07 Sep 2007 04:07:22 GMT

Title: The Long Drive Home.
Author:ivehadmymoments
Word Count: 243
Claim: Sara Sidle.
Fandom: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
Characters: Sara Sidle. Gil Grissom.
set.prompt: csi50 x.99: [Writer's Choice] Suicide.
Rating: pg13.
Pairings: GrissomSara Romance
Warnings: references to suicide, mild language.
Author's Note: This is a poem, because I was on a poem kick when I wrote this. Enjoy. I am lookin
4/50

Drive to the middle of nowhere
Where nobody can see me fall,
Waiting to see if they care
Or if they give a damn at all.

Pulling my arms out slowly
Straigter that straight can be,
Precision a must in this empty grave,
Why doesn't anyone care about me?

I think about work,
About life, about friends,
Why, oh why,
Does my life have to end?

I have no other out,
The end growing near,
Now is not the time
To think about fear.

I stand on my toes
I step a little more,
I'm planning to hit the ground
Lacking even a little roar.

Catherine, Warrick,
Greg, Jim, and Nick,
All ya'll have been there
Through thin and through thick.

But Grissom, my babe,
It's you I didn't know
You should've ogtten to know me,
Over the Jane's and John Does.

I snap back to reality,
The emptiness in my fce,
I prepare to jump
When I feel something around my wait.

It's your arm holding me,
Your head on my shoulder,
Giving me your jacket
As your skin grows colder.

"What are you doing?"
You ask with emotion.
"Ending my life,"
I reply with devotion.

"Come away from there, babe,
You don't need to do this.
Think about your life
That I know you'll.

Please don't leave me,
I love you too much,
I'll miss all your laughs,
You innocent touch."

I thought about him,
The life we could share,
If I step away
And don't take me own dare.

I backed away from the edge,
Not wanting to flee
From his caring aerms.
He said it. He loved me.

I smile in his arms,
He returns the same,
Closing my eyes
Saying it's not a game.

I climb into his car,
mine forgotten, alone,
Covering my face,
For the long drive home.

CSI [Sara Sidle] 082607.

Mon, 27 Aug 2007 02:58:19 GMT

Title: This Mess of a Life
Author: ivehadmymoments
Word Count: 331
Claim: Sara Sidle
Fandom: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
Characters: Sara Sidle. Nick Stokes.
set.prompt: csi50 4.02: tears.
Rating: pg13.
Pairings: NickSara friendship.
Warnings: mild depression, mention of suicide.
2/50

     She felt horrible and didn't know why. Not emotionally, but physically. She had pulled a muscle in her lower back pulling stuff around at work and now could barely bend over because of it. She sat in the break room with her back to the door and could barely stay awake. Sara Sidle has always been a trooper-- going to school whens he had a temperature on 102 and sitting with a broken arm for three hours until her mom got home from work. A split second decision caused her to run from the windowed room into the bathroom. She ran into the handicapped stall and collapsed into the corner, her hands to her face being covered with tears. She hated living right now. Her physical pain was unbearable and she really wanted to just fall asleep for forever. She heard steps in the floor and hushed up quickly. She was sure whoever was in there had heard her and left. Silence. "Sara?" a Southern drawl asked. "Sara, please come out."

"I don't want to. I want to sit on the floor of this disgusting bathroom crying and wallowing in my own self pity."

He chuckled. " Well that's no fun," the stall door didn't budge, "and pathetic." Now, the door clicked open and swung towards him. "I was just kidding baby doll." She exited the small rectangle and punched him in the arm, but after one git, collapsed into his arms in a fit of tears. "What's wrong, girl?"

In all seriousness she said, "Sometimes I just want to die."

He tightened his grip on her and kissed the top of her head. "I love you Sara, and you do not want to do anything drastic."

She sniffed. "Not kill myself... just fall asleep and never wake up."

"Nonsense." They stood in the middle of the women's restroom for a good twenty minutes. No words were spoken, no lives were broken, and her silent therapy helped her for a while.

RENT [RogerApril] 081407

Wed, 15 Aug 2007 05:22:00 GMT

Title: The Wait is the Worst.
Author:

ivehadmymoments
Fandom: RENT
Characters: Roger, April, Collins, Amanda [roommate], The Man.
Pairings: RogerApril.
Prompt: fanfic100006. Hours
Warnings: references to drugs, references to hiv/aids.
Word Count: 505.
Summary: April goes out for a doctor appointment and when she doesn't return at the time said, Roger begins to worry. [I realy don't like doing summaries, by the way.]
Rating: pg13?
Author's Notes: This is really short because I'm taking it from class to class and writing during then. I'm trying to get a fic done every other day-- a 135 and 246 day each. Reviews are greatly appreciated and I am looking for a beta =].
1/100

April stood by the door to the loft pulling a grey sweater over her head as Roger played catch with a football with Collins in the living room. She yawned and ran her fingers through her hair, "Alright boys, I'll be back by four. Roger, you're out of smokes and that other shit, do you want more?"

"Uhh..." Roger thought as he caught and tossed the ball back to the man laying across the couch, "yea, Please."

"Where are you even going, April?" Collins asked.

"Doctor's. Something was up last time so they want to do some follow up tests. They want me to go in once a month on the fifteen, so here I am." Roger stopped and Collins set the ball down. The latter know too many people that had gone in for follow up testing and came out puffy eyed and positive. He knew the rising rate of HIV in New York City and so did April. They exchanged a quick glance and she flashed something that could barely be called a smile, "I'll be back by four," and with that, she left. In the time she was gone, Roger had become unusually active. He had actually gone to the laundry mat on a dollar he saw a woman drop by 7th and 10th and got beer with a ten he found underneath his dresser. By five thirty, he started to worry. First he called her apartment where her roommate, Amanda, answered. April hadn't been home since 7pm the previous night and just assumed she was still with him. He walked to Tompkins Square Park and passed his dealer, stopping to ask if April had been by. Yes, but not since one that afternoon. Cool, so she had bought and then took the drugs to the doctor's. Very smart. With a dime he found in the change pocket of his jeans, he called the loft. It must've been his lucky day-- he was finding money everywhere. One ring... two rings... speeeeak.

"Uh, it's Roger. Mark, are you there? Jesus Christ someone pick up." Silence. "Shit," and he slammed the phone down. Roger sprinted back to the apartment as fast as his legs would carry him and slammed the key into the gate separating the sidewalk from the building. He ran up the stairs to a quiet apartment.

"Hello?" he yelled into the emptiness and walked cautiously to the bathroom. Right as he touched his hand to the doorknob, the door burst open and a redhead in a towel clutching a sheet of paper was standing there.

"I'm negative! They said they were afraid about my levels of some cells but it was just an abnormal drop and I'm negative!" she looks absolutely stunning. April smiled really wide and kissed Roger on the lips.
He kissed her back and whispered into her lips, "Just call next time. I was afraid and didn't know where you were."

She laughed and sucked on his neck as her towel fell to the floor, "I love you."

CSI [Sara Sidle] 080707.

Fri, 10 Aug 2007 09:11:26 GMT

Title: boom.
Author:

ivehadmymoments
Word Count: 546
Claim: Sara Sidle.
Fandom: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation.
Characters: Sara Sidle, Nick Stokes
Set.Prompt: csi50 1.47: fireworks.
Rating: pg.
Pairings: NickSara Friendship.
Author's Notes: Whipped together because I'm on a fanfiction kick.
1/50.

She'd always hated the fourth of July and the fireworks that came with it. Always. Ever since she was six years old trying to glue the pieces of her puzzle down to a slab of cardboard. Since she was eleven and trying to fight her way through the dark from her neighbor's house back to her own. Since she was fifteen and kissing a boy two years older than herself in the backseat of his car-- the burst of light and sound exploded into her eardrums and she jumped, her cheeks turned red, and the boy decided it was getting close to his curfew.

Oh yes. She hated the explosion of fireworks.

Even twenty years after one of her worst encounters with the fireworks, she still couldn't stand them. So on July 4th at 855pm, she walked into the locker room with a blanket she stowed in her locker and sat in the corner against the lockers and the wall and awaited the worst.

Every year had been the same as the previous. They went of at 9pm exactly from the rooftop of on of the casinos and the boom echoed throughout the city. She had been fortunate to be indoors for the past four years while this occurrence took place, and took knew she didn't have much dignity for the way she hid.

Nick Stokes entered the locker room and slid down against the lockers, not knowing Sara was only feet away.

"I do not like this, I do not like this, I do not like this..."

"Fireworks?"

He was startled by someone else being in the room he thought was vacated.

"Oh, uh, yea. I don't like them."

"Me either. Why don't you?"

Nick scooted closer to her and stretched out his legs so their thighs touched. "When I was seventeen I was lying in the middle of the football field with a girl. The fireworks scared me, and I've been traumatized ever since. You?"

She laughed quietly and grabbed his hand, "There are too many stories to tell. Why're you in here? I'm here every year and you've never been with me."

"I'm normally in the bathroom, but every since that guy..." he shook his head, "I avoid that place as much as possible."

The first one went off. She squeezed his hand and shut her eyes. her head fell onto his shoulder and his head onto her's. The loud cracks and booms went on for seemingly forever, but judging by her silenced cell phone, it had been a total of seven minutes.

Nick stood up and pulled Sara up after him.

"Thanks," he said quietly.

"Thank you."

"Same time next year?"

She hugged him tightly and chuckled, "Same time next year."

072007 @ 1218am.

Fri, 20 Jul 2007 07:19:21 GMT

001.	Beginnings.	002.	Middles.	003.	Ends.	004.	Insides.	005.	Outsides.
006.	Hours.	007.	Days.	008.	Weeks.	009.	Months.	010.	Years.
011.	Red.	012.	Orange.	013.	Yellow.	014.	Green.	015.	Blue.
016.	Purple.	017.	Brown.	018.	Black.	019.	White.	020.	Colourless.
021.	Friends.	022.	Enemies.	023.	Lovers.	024.	Family.	025.	Strangers.
026.	Teammates.	027.	Parents.	028.	Children.	029.	Birth.	030.	Death.
031.	Sunrise.	032.	Sunset.	033.	Too Much.	034.	Not Enough.	035.	Sixth Sense.
036.	Smell.	037.	Sound.	038.	Touch.	039.	Taste.	040.	Sight.
041.	Shapes.	042.	Triangle.	043.	Square.	044.	Circle.	045.	Moon.
046.	Star.	047.	Heart.	048.	Diamond.	049.	Club.	050.	Spade.
051.	Water.	052.	Fire.	053.	Earth.	054.	Air.	055.	Spirit.
056.	Breakfast.	057.	Lunch.	058.	Dinner.	059.	Food.	060.	Drink.
061.	Winter.	062.	Spring.	063.	Summer.	064.	Fall.	065.	Passing.
066.	Rain.	067.	Snow.	068.	Lightening.	069.	Thunder.	070.	Storm.
071.	Broken.	072.	Fixed.	073.	Light.	074.	Dark.	075.	Shade.
076.	Who?	077.	What?	078.	Where?	079.	When?	080.	Why?
081.	How?	082.	If.	083.	And.	084.	He.	085.	She.
086.	Choices.	087.	Life.	088.	School.	089.	Work.	090.	Home.
091.	Birthday.	092.	Christmas.	093.	Thanksgiving.	094.	Independence.	095.	New Year.
096.	Writer‘s Choice.	097.	Writer‘s Choice.	098.	Writer‘s Choice.	099.	Writer‘s Choice.	100.	Writer‘s Choice.

072007 @ 1215am.

Fri, 20 Jul 2007 07:18:02 GMT

This is my csi50 table. I write Sara based fics on a mixed prompt list.

4.01.	alone.	4.02.	tears.	2.03	slow suicide.	1.04	love.	1.05	lust.
4.06.	last kiss.	4.07.	funeral.	4.08	nightmares.	4.09	sleep.	3.10	bad.
1.11.	colourful.	1.12.	blood.	3.13	safe.	2.14	save me.	1.15	lie.
2.16.	ordinary.	1.17.	time.	2.18	denial.	4.19	broken.	3.20	you.
4.21.	enemy.	3.22.	sway.	1.23	sight.	3.24	sleepless.	3.25	make a move.
2.26.	inner geek.	1.27.	dream.	2.28	feel good.	4.29	truth.	1.30	night.
3.31.	us.	1.32.	cold.	1.33	regret.	3.34	sex.	2.35	click, click... BOOM!
1.36.	jealousy.	3.37.	silence.	2.38	take a stand.	2.39	fear.	1.40	pictures.
4.41.	wrong.	1.42.	soft.	3.43	missing.	1.44	light.	1.45	city.
4.46	heartache.	1.47.	fireworks.	3.48.	complex.	x.49	Suicide.	x.50	writer's choice